There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
