he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
