just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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