so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
