what day is it and did you see me today?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
