dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want to make out with him forever
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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