oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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