Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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