Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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