i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
