She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
