I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
