i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
