You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
