i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
