No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
