So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
