We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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