exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
