Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
