im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just blew my weed a kiss
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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