mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
