I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
