im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can I color on your dick again?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
