he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
