I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize