Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
