I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
