I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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