Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
bring money and cleavage
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
