Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
