I'm going to jail i love you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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