he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
