Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize