wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need to calm my uterus...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
