I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
