I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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