she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
