ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize