her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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