party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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