bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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