i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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