words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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