i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I intend to get homeless drunk
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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