i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
