Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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