so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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