You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
