checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just gargled with NyQuil
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize