she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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