There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
