the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize