What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
