Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
