You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
a search helicopter?!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
