I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
