My first STD was from a foam party
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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