Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
