Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
