Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
