she looked like the bat from fern gully.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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