when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
