My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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