Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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