the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
