he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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